I COULD GET USED TO THIS

Another great day. Colby's daddy came to visit with him and I went to Wal-Mart (why did I go there on the weekend?!) and also went Krogering. Was happier than a cat covering shit when I saw Kroger had Chex cereal on sale. Yeah baby. Scooped up on 4 boxes. It's not Christmas around here until Mama whips out some Chex mix, plain and simple. Still have 0 gifts bought. Don't even have my list made out yet. Do I care? Eh, not really. We spent time with great friends this weekend and loved every minute of it. And if you ask me, that's what the holidays are for. Not walking around a hot, overcrowded mall buying gifts for people who don't need or want for anything in the first place. I love everything about Christmas except for the shopping. I'm determined not to get stressy and give in to the commercialism of Christmas this year. So far, so good. TIME is all I want from my friends and family. Let's just be together, eat, drink and be merry, have a chuckle or 2.

After I got home, put Colby up in his chair and got the eye gaze going. His little eyes were just dancing around everywhere. I loved watching him. That's all I ask, that he TRY, put some effort into it. Of course he went to the remote page and tried to turn on the TV. Currently he can't because the eye gaze is set up to turn on a different TV. Then he went back a couple screens and said, in this order, "please, work" then tried the remote control page again. I swear that's exactly how it happened. Hilarious! He's such a sweetie. Wasn't too interested in the science page today. He kept choosing "play", then it would go to his games page and instead of picking a game, he would just choose "that". I never was really able to figure out what he wanted to play. Overall he tried really hard and did an awesome job with eye gaze today, and I'm thankful I got to see it.

Why do things have to be so complicated sometimes? While at Kroger I decided I wanted some eggnog, because you know, 'tis the season to see how many calories you can intake in a day's time. I swear there were 2 shelves and a dozen choices of eggnog. What the hell? When I was a kid you bought either eggnog or boiled custard. Remember that? Now it's regular eggnog, low fat, cinnamon, pumpkin, etc. Guess what they were out of, uh-huh, regular, plain-flavored eggnog. If it ain't broke…

I'm getting good feedback from this "I'm thankful for something every day" thing I've got going on. Some people are sharing what they're thankful for, some people are just saying they're doing it. I think it's great either way. I'm beginning to think maybe thanksgiving is a habit that we can all form with a little time. You get up and brush your teeth every morning, or at least I hope you do. Maybe we can all wake up and think of 1 or more thing(s) we're thankful for. It's made a huge difference in my attitude lately. Even on crappy days seems like I can find 1 little thing to give thanks for, making the hours and days that follow not quite so crappy. I'm not trying to blow sunshine up anyone's butt, just saying seems like if you try, you can find something, somebody, somewhere that makes you smile or brings you joy. I prefer to stay focused on that over the BS that just brings you down and you probably can't change anyways.

Off to bed. Lots to do this week. Baking and delivering Christmas goodies. Having lunch with a friend. Working at hospital. Biggest Loser finale to watch. Taking Colby to Hospice party. Hopefully having dinner with another friend. And who knows, might even get that Christmas list started. Nighty night everyone. Have a good week. Don't let the holidays stress you out. Not worth it. Enjoy every minute you can with friends and family, go to a church service, etc. Give the holiday season meaning and make some special memories, hear me?

CHECK OUT MY HOT DATE

He's tall, handsome, a snappy dresser and a blast to be around. Okay, he needs a little dental work, but other than that he's near perfect. No other dude I'd rather spend a Saturday night with than my sweet Colby boy. We packed up and went to a Christmas program at my BFF's church up in Indiana. Again, Colby did awesomely awesome. He's getting some major church time this weekend. Tis the season to get Jesused up! The program was great. The kiddos were up front singing and playing their little hand bells. Then they had various Christmas skits and other singing, very nice. You can tell a lot of time went into it. So glad we got to go this year.

And yep, just gotta say it, HOW ABOUT THEM HOOSIERS?! So proud of my IU boys for knocking off the #1 ranked team. It's been a long time coming for the Hoosiers to have a decent season. Maybe this will be the year. Loves me some Jordan Hulls! I know in the big scheme of things, it's just a stupid game. But hey, we Hoosiers eat, sleep and breathe basketball. Can't help it, baby, we were born this way. We missed the game because we were at the program but went to Amy's afterward to watch it because she had recorded it. Yes, Amy and Amy have been best friends for years. In high school we were inseparable, people just said "hey Amys" and we both would turn and look. They ALWAYS got a kick out of that.

Well it's way past my bedtime. SNL just went off. Man that show is just not what it used to be. But let's face it, none of us are. More later. Toodles.

FLIPPING FABULOUS FRIDAY

Today was a super-duper, fantastic day for both Colby and me. What more can you ask for?! Lunch was delicious if I do say so myself. Roast always hits the spot and my gravy freakin' rocked. I'd like to thank my Aunt Terry for teaching me how to make gravy a few years ago. Mine was horrible before she showed me. I mean like, inedible, the dogs wouldn't eat it, either too thick, too lumpy, tasted like flour. There were many bad gravy experiments before I learned the trick to making it. Now I'm most thankful for my gravy-making skills.

Colby was kicking butt on his eye gaze today. He was intentional. He was motivated, trying really hard. He was cracking me up and making me so proud at the same time. He keeps going to this science page. He's done it every time I've worked with him on the eye gaze recently. Today he was choosing sun, planets, space shuttle, sun, Earth, stars, sun. Just kept doing it. So obviously planet/solar system toys are on his list to Santa. We're going to have to take this kid to a planetarium sometime soon. He got a constellation toy for his room for his birthday. We put it together and can't get the darn thing to work. Dangit, need to get that out and get it fixed. Leave it to me. If there's some way to jack up something on a toy or electronics, I'll find it.

They had an Advent service at the Cathedral and I thought what the heck, let's take Colby. It didn't start until 7:30 so I thought we were just asking for trouble, that he would get tired and/or bored before it was over. Nope, he did fantastic! "Aunt Kimmie" went with us, along with one of her friends. Colby's oxygen never dropped below 95. Hope that's a warm up with how the weekend will be because we're going to a Christmas play tomorrow night. Crossing my fingers, hoping he does as well then, too.

I wouldn't trade days like this for anything. Did some housework. Spent some quality time with Colby. Got to visit with great friends. And yeah, I took a 45-minute nap and make no apologies for it. I was tired, plain and simple. Not exactly my style, but just felt right at the time lol. No headache or dizziness today, though, and I'm very thankful for that.

This is a pic of one of my most prized possessions, a wreath that Colby made that back in 2005, along with the help of his preschool teacher at the time. I absolutely love this wreath. We also have ornaments on the tree that Colby has made, but there's just something about those little green and red handprints that melt my heart.

Time for bed. More later. Nite-nite.

GOTTA PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH

The bottom line is I've had a "for shit" kind of week. Yep, I'm in a majorly pissy mood so this is a whiny blog entry. So sorry, but here's why:

Colby had a rough couple of days at school on Monday and Tuesday, and of course that upset me. SMA bites. Watching him struggle to breathe is just too much to handle sometimes. My heart drops each time I get a call or text from his nurse while they're at school. Yesterday and today were better for him, yay. I went to school with him today and loved every second of it. I try to be more of a nurse/caregiver and less of a mommy on these days, but he's just so darn cute, it's all I can not to ooo and ahhh and kiss all over his sweet face.

I've been having bad headaches and dizziness this week. This bites also. I can't help but think it's thyroid related. I have my 1st appointment with the endocrinologist next week. I'm sure they'll test my levels, or at least they better, because I think my medication needs to be adjusted. I've been doing a little research and wow, it appears your thyroid (or lack of) affects many aspects of your body/health. Fantastic.

So even though it hasn't been the best of times the last few days, I need to stick with my promise and state what I've been thankful for lately. For Monday, it wasn't much, haha. It was a horrible day, rainy, cold, Colby struggled at school and I felt like I had been hit by a bus (really bad dizziness.) The only good thing I can say about Monday is I was thankful I was able to go to bed early. Other than that, it was a sucky day. Tuesday I was thankful to be there for a friend who is going through a rough time (because of a stupid man of course.) She came over and we hung out, ordered pizza, worked on getting my tree up. She thinks I helped her by offering some emotional support, but she helped me, too, by letting me be there for her. I think a lot of times people don't want to tell me their problems because they think I have enough of my own. No, no, no. I want to know what's going on with the people I love and care about. So I'm thankful she came over. Yesterday I was thankful for taking an afternoon nap when Colby was on his bi-pap break. See, told you it's been a rough week. Today I'm thankful Colby had a good day at school. Tired of hearing that damn pulse/ox alarm go off lately.

Tomorrow Colby and I are getting a visit from a dear friend and we can't wait. Company! Love it. I'm making lunch and everything.

Okay, enough of my griping. Just can't help it tonight. Not been the greatest of weeks around here. But things will get better, because I said so. And what Mama says, goes.

THAT'S MESSED UP

I'll admit it, I was wrong today. Here's what happened. I caught myself saying, "Think I'll skip Mass tonight and work on putting up some Christmas decorations." Really, self, I mean really? How freakin' stupid can you be?! See, this is what all the bullshit commercialism does to the Christmas season, takes Christ out of it. People lose focus. If I'm not mistaken, this whole Christmas deal isn't about running yourself ragged, decorating even more than last year or shopping for deals. It's about the BIRTH OF JESUS CHRIST. Hence the name, CHRISTmas. Luckily I snapped out of it after a minute or 2. My utmost apologies, JC, for losing focus that you are indeed the reason for the season. I'm very thankful that I went to Mass and got to see one of my bestest girlie friends. I'm not trying to get all preachy here, but don't lose focus this Christmas season. Remember what is truly important and celebrate Jesus' birth in a simple, humble way. But for you, if that involves putting 57 strands of lights around your porch, deck, roof, mailbox, doghouse, tree and mantle, go ahead and celebrate that way, too. Just stay focused peeps.

I'm usually not one to be bothered by the weather. I figure you can't change it, so why get in a tizzy about it. But I swear if it's raining when Colby gets on the school bus in the morning, I'll scream. Honestly can't remember the last time we took him out to the bus without his rain poncho on. Such a pain in the keester.

Guess that's about it for now. Colby got to see his daddy and his grandpa today, so he wasn't hurting for attention that's for sure. But seriously, is he ever? Going to get up in the morning and start a weekly "to do" list. Lots of phone calls and errands to run in the next couple of days (frowny face) but it has to be done. Not to alarm you or anything, but only 3 weeks from today until Christmas. Great googley-moogley!

SLEEPY SATURDAY NIGHT

You know how you're going along thinking yeah, I'm going to get this done today, that done tonight, etc. and then SPLAT! you hit a wall. I have officially hit my wall. Just got Colby is bed and wanted to get a few other things done, but now I'm thinking I'll just go to bed. Start fresh tomorrow. Or then again, I may at least stay up and watch a Christmas movie. Or The Hangover because it's a freakin' funny movie.

On Thursday I got a call from the company that supplied Colby's new bi-pap. They said they had an order to change Colby's bi-pap settings. Huh? First I've heard of it. So I'm thinking the results of Colby's sleep study came in. I'll need to follow up with that on Monday. That would help explain the episodes of Colby's oxygen dropping every now and then through the night. Might also explain why he's been so dang sleepy over the last week or so. He fell asleep again today, that's not like Colby. He has taken more naps in the last 2 weeks than he has in the last 2 or 3 years. Always something.

Friday's thanksgiving - Wine Night. I love getting together with those crazy girlies. We were trying to decide how long we've been doing it, around 7 or 8 years we think. That's a heck of a long time to keep something rolling but we've managed to do it. We're all so busy, sometimes this is the only chance we get to talk to each other all month. It's cool because we'll pick up right where we left off last month. We've been through everything with each other over the years - marriages, divorces, career changes, illnesses, deaths, good times, bad times. Hopefully we'll continue for the next 8 years!

Today's thanksgiving is simple. I'm thankful for a beautiful, sunny day. I know winter is fast approaching and there won't be too many of days like this for a while. Got Colby out for a few minutes to get some Vitamin D out in the sun and drive his power chair for a bit. Yep, he's still running into the grass. Definitely still not following commands like stop or turn or don't run into the van. Honestly I'm starting to rethink the whole power chair thing. Just might not be Colby's gig.

Yeah, I'm also thinking go to bed. Sounds good. I'm a sleepy mama.

CHEESE RIDICULOUSNESS

Decided to clean out the fridge today. That can be an adventure sometimes, huh? Besides the soggy, brown head of lettuce and eggs that expired 2 weeks ago, know what else I found? Cheese, actually cheeses, plural. I couldn't believe it. Here's what I have: Velveeta slices (those are close enough to cheese I suppose), Laughing Cow cheese, a block of parmesan cheese, provolone cheese, block of white cheddar cheese, shredded cheddar cheese and "green shake can" parmesan cheese. Oh yeah, don't forget the holiday cheese ball that's in there, too. Not sure how that happened, but there are some serious cheese issues up in here.

No normalcy around here today. Actually, to be honest, Colby had a perfectly shitty day. He woke up with lots and lots of gunk. But I figured it was just a rough morning and he'd be okay once he got up and off to school. Nope. Had an incident where his oxygen dropped at school, too. From what I hear, the new nurse handled it just fine. I went and picked him up from school and when I got there, he was sleeping! Never in 4 years has this kid fallen asleep at school. Guess he was just tuckered out from the trip to Cincy on Tuesday. He's fine now, been sleepy most of the afternoon/evening. I'm glad he doesn't have school tomorrow. He can sleep in and take it easy. This leads me to what I am thankful for today. I am thankful that God has given me both the physical and mental strength to take care of Colby. You need both if you're going to raise any kid really, but really one with special needs. Also takes common sense, lots of patience and the ability to multitask like you wouldn't believe. Also thankful I've been given those gifts.

There are several of Colby's SMA buddies either fighting illness at home or are in the hospital right now. We HATE to hear this and are sending get well wishes and hugs. Please keep these kiddos in your thoughts and prayers. Hoping they all get home soon and have a healthy winter.

Off to bed. Working at the hospital tomorrow and my "boss" has already told me I'm going to be busy. Better get rested and ready.