Sunday, December 16, 2012

DECEMBER BACK TO SUCKING A LITTLE

Trying to decide what to blog about tonight. My mind is racing, more full of jumble than usual. Seriously, is that even possible? Considering the unimaginable tragedy that happened in Newtown, the silly in's and out's, business of our lives doesn't seem to have much relevance at the moment. Honestly, can you even begin to think what that community is going through? No, absolutely not. I can't even find the words to describe the shock, disgust and amazement of it all. I've always been a firm believer that things happen for a reason. That in order for one to feel goodness, there also must be bad. Or to understand joy, you must also feel pain. A yin and yang kind of thing I guess. But this cold, senseless, brutal attack on a group of innocent school employees and students? This close to Christmas? Nope, I can't, no matter how hard I try, find an explanation or reason for it. Still shaking my head in disbelief. I've relied on others for details, as I just can't watch hour after hour, report after report of others' pain, loss and suffering.

So with that being said, what do I write from here? Well, if it's one thing I've learned from Colby's diagnosis, is that life continues to move forward. Time marches on. Plain and simple. Sometimes you experience joy, sometimes you experience pain, and hopefully in the end it's more of the former than the latter. The one thing that really matters is that Colby is doing great. He had another excellent week at school. Of course I'm knocking on wood, holding my breath and rubbing a rabbit's foot when I type that (ok, not really the last one.) He has 4 more days, then Christmas vacation. He has a field trip Wednesday to the mall to see Santa. I swear I'm considering not letting him go. With all the violence that has occurred in public places the last few months, can you blame me?! Let's face it, Colby is totally defenseless. If something terrible happened, it's not like he could run and hide. How awful that I'm even having these thoughts. But it's my job to keep my kid as safe as possible. Am I crazy for thinking like this? I don't fancy myself as a paranoid, non-trusting kind of person. Most of the time I'm too busy worried about Colby's overall health and respiratory status to give anyone else or anything else a second thought. But lately, I just don't know what to think about people and what in the world could possibly be going through their minds. Selfish, crazy fucks.

Christmas tree is up. Outside lights are up as of today, courtesy of the ex. Yes, we have an odd relationship, you don't need to remind me. I'm going to hang up a Colts stocking for me and a Spongebob stocking for Colby. Hung up 2 wreaths. That's enough! I have a ton more Christmas decorations that I could get out, but I just don't see it happening this year. I don't have the room, time or energy to go nutsey-fartsey about Christmas decorations around here. Well, I have some hand towels that will look cute in the bathroom. Other than that, going to pack up the extra stuff and send it back to my mom's for storage. Am I done with my shopping? Good question, heck I don't know. Don't even have a list made yet, so hard to tell. Been working off the list in my head, which is probably a really bad idea, haha. Getting together with my BFF to make Christmas goodies on Tuesday afternoon. I'm super excited about that. Christmas baking, woo hoo, love it. Christmas shopping, boo hoo, hate it. I'd rather give you a batch of your favorite cookies than go out and buy you a sweater. That's just how I am.

Good night blog readers. Hoping for a safe, healthy and happy tomorrow for all those I know and love. I'll be quite content with that.

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