DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN

Sent Colby back to school today. It was just like before. Started him on a Tuesday. He had an okay day, not a great day. Now I have to work tomorrow and honestly, I'm scared shitless to go. What if something happens and I need to go pick him up? I talked to my boss, she said just do what I need to do. If I don't want to go, don't. Colby's nurse tells me to go to work, that she'll be fine and Colby will be fine and the day will go fine and everything will be just fine. Well, I don't feel fine, I'm very frustrated right now. All I wanted for Colby was to have a good school year, but it has pretty much sucked so far. Between the sudden, where is this coming from bleeding and the plug he had today, yeah, it's stinky. All I can say is it's at least better than last school year, right? Last year Colby spent the entire month of September in the hospital, along with some of August. I know the weather is incredibly miserable right now. It's one of those ozone action days where the air is so thick it sucks the life out of you when you walked outside. I'm sure that's not helping Colby's respiratory status at all. All of this is just so NOT how I wanted our August to end and September to start. I want school to be a pleasant experience for Colby. I don't want us all on pins and needles every time the bus pulls away. Something has to give.

Then the Permobil wheelchair dude came over with a larger chair for Colby to try, along with a new driving system for him. Yes, something else to try so that hopefully Colby can learn to drive a power chair independently. We can't give up I suppose. The one Colby tried is called single switch scanning, or something like that. He uses a little microlight switch, that's all. No setting up a switch on this side to drive and a switch on the other side to turn. There's a little screen in front of Colby and an arrow. The arrow moves and when the arrow is in the direction Colby wants, all he has to do is activate the microlight switch and boom, away he goes. It took him less than 1 minute to discover reverse. He loved it! The screen also has a mode button where Colby can use his switch to make the seat go up and down, tilt the chair back and forth, and other chair adjustments. Took Colby less than another minute to find the elevator switch. He must have moved that seat up and down 6 or 7 times. He worked that chair just like he works that eye gaze. Goes back and does the same thing over and over, usually the thing you really don't want him to do. I told Kevin the wheelchair dude, as soon as Colby finds reverse, you can forget the other directions. Do I know my kid or what?! Kevin kept asking him, where are you going? You can't see where you're driving, Colby. I had to laugh. It was great to see Colby have a little better control over something. Hoping, praying that this system works for him. We'll probably trial it again before ordering it for sure on the new wheelchair.

Okay, that's all I got. I totally have Colby on my brain tonight. Trying to decide whether or not to go to work tomorrow. If I go and they call me to pick up Colby, I'll feel like a big stinky terd for not getting there faster. If I don't go, then I've missed a day of work (pay). Making adult decisions is no fun sometimes. Just no fun at all!