Sunday, September 11, 2011

SUPER SUCKY SEPTEMBER SUNDAY

If you don't want to hear/read foul language, then I suggest you don't read this update. This has been one of the shittiest days I remember in a very long time. So you know from my earlier post Colby has been re-intubated. We tried and tried. His RT last night had a very specific plan to keep Colby off the vent. He worked very hard with Colby throughout the night. Just wasn't meant to be. I really think Colby was a couple hours away from having an "incident" so I guess looking back I'm glad we re-intubated when we did. This was the 1st time ever Colby was intubated and it wasn't an emergency situation. At 6:00 a.m. they called Anesthesia and they used fiber optics to insert the vent tube. I was amazed at how smoothly the procedure went. So here we go, intubation #3. Shit the bed, I hate those stupid words. Intubate, extubate, intubate, extubate. I'm so over this crap. I want to take my sweet boy home and get back to our normal level of stress and overwhelming circumstances.

About 1:30 today he had a bronchoscopy. This is a procedure where they stick a scope/camera down into Colby's lungs. They looked around for mucous plugs, washed off his lungs and took culture samples. And guess what? They didn't find anything alarming. What the hell is going on with this kid? I don't know which is worse, finding out something or not finding an answer. Culture results will be back in 2-3 days. Colby was zonked out most of the day from being put into La-La Land with both his procedures. He woke up with his 4:30 cough treatment and has been up since. He seems comfortable but has a very "get the hell away from me" attitude and really, who can blame him. Wish I had a dollar for every person that's been in his airway the last couple of days. They've also started his normal feeds, no more TPN for now.

I've been trying to come up with a different plan of attack for Colby. I've asked every doctor, nurse and therapist who walks in here, what are we missing? Where do we go from here? We obviously need to do something different, but what? None of us have any magic answers and OMG it's so freakin' frustrating! I have decided to change his cough treatment schedule from every 3 hours to every 4 hours. I think he needs more rest. Other than that, we're going to wait for cultures and WAIT, WAIT, WAIT for Colby to get better. My goal was to get us home by my birthday. Guess my new goal is to get home in time for my surgery on the 27th. See, told you our September is super sucky. Hard to believe a year ago today was my fabulous surprise 40th bday party. I was riding around in a limo with all my best girlie friends celebrating in style, like I didn't have a care in the world. Yeah, hanging out in this hospital for the 3rd week in a row watching my son struggle for every breath he takes, feeling so incredibly helpless that I can't fix this mess is almost as fun. Screw this.

Oh, and let's just go ahead and talk about football for a minute. I've been looking forward to the NFL season for weeks now. Even though I know my Colts are going to struggle this year I still love to watch football. I was totally geeked to watch the Colts/Texans game today. And I'll be a monkey's ass if they didn't show it here in Cincinnati. They aired the Bengals/Browns game. Geez Louise, even people here in Cincy don't give a shit about the Bengals. I was so damn mad, I just about lost my freakin' mind. But maybe it was for the best, since the Colts got spanked and Colby's bronc was scheduled right in the middle of the game anyways. Fan-freakin-tastic. I know in the large scheme of things, overpaid, egotistical men running up and down a field playing a silly game doesn't matter. But I love football and it's a good escape for me, and I really love my Colts. Gonna be a long season without Peyton. Screw that too.

I WILL have better news soon. We WILL get Colby better soon. We WILL get out of this fucking hospital soon. I'm out of answers. I'm out of patience. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. So are my parents and so is Colby I'm sure. My nerves are shot. I miss my friends. I hate that we can't get out and enjoy this cooler weather. I'm irritated I have to worry about my upcoming bullshit surgery. I'm pretty much pissed off at the world at the moment. Just let me whine and have my meltdown moment for now. Tomorrow is another day, hopefully a better day. No, it WILL be a better day and I WILL stay strong and focused for Colby. This super sucky September can just get lost. We really don't have time for this shit, right Colby? Right Mama. Let's blow this pop stand.

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