CONTROL ISSUES

Couldn't sleep last night, which makes sense since I was in a noisy, overly-lit hospital room on a pitiful excuse for a couch/foldout bed. But my mind was churning and churning about how I could get myself over this funk I'm in. Then I figured out my problem, I'm having control issues, as in no control. I have no control over the TCC's policy on trach training/education. I certainly have no control on the actions and words of my ex-husband. I've never had any control on the effects stupid f-in SMA has on Colby's body. Just exactly what do I have control of currently? My attitude, and that's about it. So I decided to work on it today, and that's just what I'm doing. Turning that frown upside down kind of stuff.

Got up at 7:00 and took a shower before Colby was up. And oops, realized all my clean clothes were over at Ronnie Donnie. Did I get mad and frustrated, heck no, just laughed about it. Put my dirty clothes on my clean body, now I'm at Ronnie Donnie to get clean ones. No big deal. Then my mom, the Queen of Questions called. In true style, she asked me 8 questions in our 4-minute phone conversation. No reason to get upset about this. It's a good thing! It means she loves us, cares for us, and wants to make sure we're doing okay. Tonight the ex will be here to do a trach change and do his overnight 12-hour stay with Colby. Am I going to worry about it, or get upset over having to deal with him? Absolutely not. I'll stay there for the trach change. I want to see how that goes. Then I get to leave. No one can stay with you while you're doing your stays, you have to do everything yourself. He'll be fine. Colby will be fine. And if he has any questions or concerns, that's why the nurses and RTs are there. I'll be out going for a walk and hanging out at Ronnie Donnie I guess.

The way I see it, in about 100 hours from now we'll be home. Did you hear me, I said HOME?! Let the countdown begin. We (I) can do this. Just going to stay busy. Tie up loose ends around here. Make sure duckies are in a row to go home and bing, bang, boom, Bob's your uncle, we'll be home before you know it. Not going to worry about getting back here 3.5 days after that. Right now just concentrate on the good, Colby is well enough to go home and we are headed in that direction.

Colby is having an okay morning so far. He was off the vent for a window and I had to suction his trach  twice. Not sure what that's about, because usually we don't have to suction it that often. When I get back to Ronnie Donnie we'll try another window and see if it's better. It's gorgeous outside so yeah, I think we need to get him up in his chair and out to the roof garden so we can blow some bubbles!

Going to go put on my clean clothes now. Then take Colby's clean clothes over and get him dressed for the day. I'll keep you posted on the cheery, good attitude stuff. I think I can, I think I can.